14
No Time to Think
Between my 60hr/wk job, my client’s web sites, mlmstuff.com, and being sick for two months… well, I’ve sort of neglected this place. I just don’t have time to think about anything of any great importance. God willing that will change very soon, and I will once again be able to grace the world with fun and interesting things to read. *puke*
27
Why I Love “The Farm”
My dad grew up on a 160 acre farm in the small Southwest Missouri farming community of Bendavis. I don’t recall us ever calling it anything other than simply “the farm.” This, however, shouldn’t lead anyone to think of it as a place that is not special. Sometimes uncreative people will call their cat “cat” or their dog “dog,” and to me these folks are idiots; they had the perfect opportunity to give their pets an important name like Captain Wiggles or Mr. Happy or some other descriptive yet powerful name. But, a rose would smell just as sweet regardless of what we call it; therefore “the farm” is a perfectly appropriate name.
So, what makes this piece of property in the middle of nowhere so special you ask? Perhaps it’s the fact that the wind is always blowing – cooling your brow on hot Summer days wrestling the cows or reminding of our Lord, the Unmoved Mover. Or maybe it’s all of the imagery of a simpler time – the old tractor, rusted hay rake, weathered fence corner posts or the proud Prairie barn. It could even be because everywhere you turn your eyes you see something that Grandpa and Grandma Robertson touched – the Cherry, Buckeye, and Walnut trees that Grandma Annie planted and the buildings that Grandpa Glenn built with Depression Era tools and practically no money. Maybe it’s the pristine views (click the gas tank image above). All of these are great examples of the specialness of “the farm,” yet I can’t help but consider the fact that when I walk all the way to the back of the property to my favorite place I feel like I’m standing in the presence of God.
10
Joy… The Key to Worship?
I can’t fully explain it right now, but for some reason the Lord has really been working on me. It all actually began a couple of years ago, but the intensity has really seemed to increase dramatically during the past six month – even more during the past few weeks. My prayer is simply that I’ll be able to keep pace!
Earlier this year I remember struggling with the thought that the last time I truly felt a steady and consistent “joy” in my life was back in my college days at SBU. The culmination of that mental journey was an article that I titled Repentance… The Key to Joy? And once again I may be diving into this one a little early, because it is very new in my mind and spirit, but I often find it helpful to write my thoughts down.
My new favorite preacher is John Piper. He is the founder of Desiring God and the Pastor for Preaching of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I’ve been listening to his sermon podcasts while in my car for a few months now, and his enthusiasm for Scripture and Truth has forced me down this path of searching for more depth in my relationship with God. This newly found desire to become more passionate myself has naturally led me to his book which is appropriately titled Desiring God.
In the book (and his podcasts) he has introduced me to the phrase Christian Hedonism. I recall feeling a tad uncomfortable when I first heard the phrase; my initial response was that it seemed like an oxymoron – I’ve always viewed Hedonism as a bad thing! But now this Piper guy has me baffled, and yet in my bewilderment I’m being exposed to what very well may be becoming a reformation of my personal faith structure.
C.S. Lewis says, God in the Psalms is the “all-satisfying Object.” Psalm 16:11 states, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (ESV) If it is true that God is all-satisfying, then is it also true that to not enjoy God is dishonoring to him? Piper responds, “I must pursue joy in God if I am to glorify Him as the surpassingly valuable Reality in the universe. Joy is not a mere option alongside worship. It is an essential component of worship.”
The transformation has just begun, and I look forward to future posts.
The chief end of man is to glorify God
by
enjoying Him forever.
30
Confident in the Future, Anxious in the Present
Wowsers… let me get you up to speed.
My life has been such a roller coaster lately! About four weeks ago I was notified (along with every other HR Manager with Home Depot) that I would be losing my job as of May 1st. As soon as the call was over I had an email in my Inbox from a former co-worker who is now working for Ameren. Without getting into the background details, she knew ahead of time that I would be losing my job and had already begun looking for a position for me with Ameren. In just a few minutes I went from emotionally dejected to excited about getting out of retail!
That night I stayed up late updating my resume and emailed it to her. A couple of days later I we spoke and she excitedly informed me that one of her managers really wanted me to apply for another position that would be a significant career builder for me. So I immediately went online and applied for that position along with another position that would have been right down my alley.
The next week we had to decide whether or not we wanted to apply for the handful of new positions created at Home Depot. Initially I didn’t want to, but I decided it would be a smart thing to do. The day before the interview I looked up my applications on the Ameren site and both said that I was not selected because I was not qualified! What a bummer! And the HR Mgrs at Ameren suggested that I apply for them.
The next day I had my interview for the new HD positions. And while it was an early morning interview, and my brain usually doesn’t work until around Noon, I knocked it out of the ballpark. Because of the good interview, and because a number of my fellow HR co-workers had been calling my up asking for interviewing advice, and because many of those folks told me that they thought the interview was really hard, I thought that I had a good chance of getting one of the new positions. Plus, I brought to the table a skill set that literally no one else in the area has – technology.
Well, to make a long story short, I found out a few days later that the offers for the positions had already been made and that I was not offered a position. So I spent that weekend disappointed and contemplating what to do next. During this time I got myself pretty excited about the idea of having some time off and maybe going on the backpacking trip I’ve dreamed of going on since I was 18. So by the time Monday rolled around I was in pretty good spirits, still anxious, but in good spirits. Then I got the “official” call telling me that I didn’t get the job and that I could go ahead and leave for good. However, I was also asked to reconsider taking an Assistant Manager position that I had already turned down. Ahhhh! I thought I had this all figured out already and now another decision to make!
To top things off I found out that my primary confidant at work had been lying to me for the past few days. She had been telling me that she hadn’t heard any news when all along she had already been offered a position. You know, my friends would never lie to me, so it really did not sit very well with me that she lied to me.
So now here I am, frustrated about being lied to and because I had already decided that I was going to enjoy a few months off work and now I have to make a decision about this Assistant Manager position. It will have crazy hours, will jack up my social life on the weekends, may interfere with church, etc. The logical and “responsible” thing to do though is for me to take the position. Ugh.
I’m normally not an emotional basket case, but it’s great to know that God loves me and that I have close friends who are praying for me.
“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but the Lord’s purposes prevail.” – Proverbs 19:21
13
The Worst is My Being Alone
My buddy Jeff Weiss at SBU was really into the band Waterdeep back when we were in college together. At that time I never really took the time to check them out and to see what the big deal was. Now I think I know, and I’m a tad disappointed that I missed so many opportunities to see them play.
“…I don’t think I’ve ever wanted as much
To be free as I’ve longed to be known.
And of the things that I hate as I look at my life,
The worst is my being alone.”
– Don Chaffer, You Were at the Time for Love
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23
Do I Even “Want” to be an Ordinary Radical?
I just finished reading the book The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical by Shane Claiborne, and I must say that it has been very challenging to me. I’m actually reading it again right now just to try to absorb some more good stuff. Since I’m still a little blown away (and big time convicted) this first post will simply contain a handful of choice quotes. I’m hoping to get a few friends together to discuss this stuff further as I’m still in the process of developing some new convictions – I think.
- I am alone, surrounded by unbelieving activists and inactive believers
- Dualism has infected the church. People separate the spiritual from the political and social
- We live in a consumer culture with stuff gathering dust on our shelves
- Most things have been said far too many times and just need to be lived
- For me it became hard to read the Bible and just walk away as if I had just watched a nice movie – Jesus never seemed to do anything normal
- As I read Scriptures about how the last would be first, I began to wonder why I was trying so hard to be first
- I recall joking with a friend that if someone had a heart attack on Sunday morning the paramedic would have to take the pulse of everyone in the congregation in order to find the dead person
- We can’t begin to understand the poor until we understand what poverty is like
- We’ve insulated ourselves from miracles, we no longer live with such reckless faith that we need them
- Take care of people because we could be entertaining angels and not know it
- I saw a street kid get twenty bucks panhandling outside a store and then immediately run inside to share it with all his friends
- I found that I was just as likely to meet God in the sewers of the ghetto as in the halls of academia
- I learned more about God from the tears of homeless mothers than any systematic theology ever taught me
- How can we worship a homeless man on Sunday and yet ignore one on Monday
- Church resurrected
- We decided to stop complaining about the church we saw and start becoming the church we dreamed of
- We were not interested in Christianity that offered these families only mansions and streets of gold in Heaven when all they needed was a bed for their kids now – when many Christians had an extra one
- I knew that we were not going to win the masses to Christianity until we began to live it
- What if Jesus really meant the stuff he said?
- He read the gospel and it messed everything up
- We are called not to be successful but to be faithful
- We can do no great things, just small things with great love, it’s not how much you do but how much love you put into doing it
- I’m not that interested in what I’m going to do, I’m more interested in what I’m becoming
And I think that last line describes where I am right now. What am I becoming? I sure want to become more caring and aware of the needs of those who are less fortunate than I. And I hope to figure out how to desire more for faithfulness than success. I want to be influenced more and more by the gospel.
22
Repentance… The Key to Joy?
Ok, so I’m biting off way more than I can chew with this one because I’m no where close to the understanding that I need to be writing on this. However, I don’t know if I will ever have that level of understanding! Therefore, I’m going to tackle it anyway.
About six months ago I found myself in a very introspective state and took some time to just be quiet and ponder my place in life. A single thought led me into this state:
Something is missing in my life… like a joy or something.
Why is it that there was a time in my life when I experienced more joy than I am today? I can remember thinking of a number of reasons, circumstances, and life situations that I felt may have been having that negative impact in my life. Things like not pursuing God with the same fervor that I had as a young and idealistic believer. Or maybe back then my biological time clock wasn’t shedding as bright of a light on my lack of being loved by a woman. And possibly the fact that I had yet to experience my big business failure that put me in a hole that I’m still digging out of to this day. More likely, a combination of those three (plus who knows what else).
Fast forward to today… Where am I right now?
I no longer believe that the lack of joy that I’ve been experiencing is a result of the aforementioned things. Sure, those items may be downers, but I don’t believe they lead to a lack of joy. You see, those things are all worldly in nature. My religious discipline ought not affect my joy. My singleness ought not affect my joy. And my financial condition ought not affect my joy. The blood of Christ is beyond all of those! And even those that I did not mention.
Our Lord and Master Jesus Christ…willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance. – Martin Luther, The Ninety-Five Theses
Is it possible that having a backwards view of repentance could lead to a life void of true joy?
The following is an excerpt from Tim Keller’s article titled “All of Life is Repentance.”
“In religion we only are sorry for sin because of it’s consequences to us. It will bring punishment – and we want to avoid that. So we repent. But the gospel tells us that sin can’t ultimately bring us into condemnation (Rom 8:1.) It’s heinousness is therefore what it does to God – it displeases and dishonors him. Thus in religion, repentance is self-centered; the gospel makes it God-centered. In religion we are mainly sorry for the consequences of sin, but in the gospel we are sorry for the sin itself.
“Furthermore, ‘religious’ repentance is self-righteous. Repentance can easily become a form of ‘atoning’ for the sin. Religious repentance often becomes a form of self-flagellation in which we convince God (and ourselves) that we are so truly miserable and regretful that we deserve to be forgiven. In the gospel, however, we know that Jesus suffered and was miserable for our sin. We do not have to make ourselves suffer in order to merit forgiveness. We simply receive the forgiveness earned by Christ. (1 John 1:8) says that God forgives us because he is ‘just.’ That is a remarkable statement. It would be unjust of God to ever deny us forgiveness, because Jesus earned our acceptance! In religion we earn our forgiveness with our repentance, but in the gospel we just receive it.
“Last, religious repentance is ‘bitter all the way down.’ In religion our only hope is to live a good enough life for God to bless us. Therefore every instance of sin and repentance is traumatic, unnatural, and horribly threatening. Only under great duress does a religious person admit they have sinned – because their only hope is their moral goodness. But in the gospel the knowledge of our acceptance in Christ makes it easier to admit we are flawed (because we know we won’t be cast off if we confess the true depths of our sinfulness.) Our hope is in Christ’s righteousness, not our own – so it is not so traumatic to admit our weaknesses and lapses. In religion we repent less and less often. But the more accepted and loved in the gospel we feel the more and more often we will be repenting. And though of course there is always some bitterness in any repentance, in the gospel there is ultimately a sweetness. This creates a radical new dynamic for personal growth. The more you see your own flaws and sins, the more precious, electrifying, and amazing God’s grace appears to you. But on the other hand, the more aware you are of God’s grace and acceptance in Christ, the more able you are to drop your denials and self-defenses and admit the true dimensions of your sin. The sin under all other sins is a lack of joy in Christ.
“If you clearly understand these two different ways to go about repentance, then (and only then!) you can profit greatly from a regular and exacting discipline of self-examination and repentance.”
I’m beginning to think that viewing and practicing a gospel-oriented repentance may very well be the key to joy. I pray the Lord will help me see clearly on this journey. And beyond that even, I pray the Lord will help me find that long lost joy.
17
StrengthsFinder 2.0
So, my pastor Trey Herweck suggested that I complete this assessment called StrengthsFinder 2.0. I actually completed it yesterday morning. And while I wasn’t surprised by the results, I did come away from the assessment feeling (1) encouraged that I’m not a complete idiot for being so entrepreneurial minded and (2) a renewed sense of urgency and desire in pursuing my dreams.
My Top 5 Strengths:
- Futuristic – People who are especially talented in the Futuristic theme are inspired by the future and what could be. They inspire others with their visions of the future.
- Restorative – People who are especially talented in the Restorative theme are adept at dealing with problems. They are good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it.
- Connectedness – People who are especially talented in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links between all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has a reason.
- Analytical – People who are especially talented in the Analytical theme search for reasons and causes. They have the ability to think about all the factors that might affect a situation.
- Intellection – People who are especially talented in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activity. They are introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.
The Futurist and Analytical strengths have encouraged my entrepreneurial desires, but this has also shown me that I need to find a good partner or two to complement me and help me put my vision into practice. The Restorative and Connectedness strengths confirm that HR is a good place for me, but combined with my other strengths I would serve a more useful purpose in a corporate HR role rather than a hands-on HR role as I have now (which is probably why I’m so dissatisfied with my job). Lastly, the Intellection strength explains why I feel so energized when I can put some time into just thinking about stuff… and why I enjoy writing my thoughts down.
So, do you agree with these results?
14
Valentine’s Day Crash
As much as I hate to admit it, I thought about “being in love” today. I really had no choice in the matter. You see, I had not one, not two, not three, but FOUR girls make moves on me today. Thus, even though I was trying hard to not think about love, I did.
First off, I received a handmade card from a lady who I work with. It was a very cute and well-made card; it had a light pink textured card stock with rounded corners, a darker pink piece of paper with light pink hearts inset, a large offset glittery heart in the upper left hand corner slightly hanging off the edge of the card, and a flower in the bottom right corner with a clear half-bead in the middle. The inside of the card read, “Hugs & Kisses (heart) XOXO,” and contained a brief and friendly message.
Next, a precious four year old girl wished me a “Happy Valentine’s Day” as she handed me a red, cherry Starburst.
Then, a darling 20 year old girl gave me a huge Godiva chocolate covered strawberry.
And the icing on the cake was when I stopped by Walgreen’s on the way home to get some more allergy meds. A gorgeous girl named Kylie was helping me. Kylie, by the way, bears an awful close resemblance to Lacey Chabert of Party of Five fame. Anyway, she began asking me questions about Valentine’s Day and girls in my life. She acted like she was astounded that I didn’t have a “special someone” to lavishly bestow gifts and love upon. She mentioned multiple times how nice I looked as a bald guy. And just as I was about to ask for her number I learned that she was a student at a local high school.
So, by the end of the day today I realized that I am considered to be both sexy and attractive by woman of all ages! In many ways it feels really good to think about all of the girls who have shown interest in me over the years – some of whom where drop-dead gorgeous! But just as I started feeling like I was on top of the world I came crashing back down with one realization… the perfect girl that God has made for me isn’t with me.
27
Silence is… Deadly
I’m currently a little over halfway through this “slap Brian in the face” book called The Silence of Adam by Dr. Larry Crabb. The message is pounding me big time, and I’m not certain what to do about just yet.
Men are called to move into darkness, to keep moving ahead with purpose and strength even when they cannot clearly see the path before them. (The Silence of Adam, pg. 61)
Having been raised up in the church for as long as I can remember, it has always been commonplace to sort of joke around (and poke at women) about how sin entered the world. You see, it was “Eve” who spoke to the serpent, it was “Eve” who was deceived by the serpent, it was “Eve” who took the first bite out of the forbidden fruit, and it was “Eve” who enticed Adam to also take a bite – ie. sin’s entrance into the world was “Eve’s” fault! Right?
Well, what was Adam doing the whole time? I mean, scripture seems to imply that he was standing right there the whole time. I’ll tell you what Adam was doing… he was doing NOTHING! He stood there passively and allowed Eve to have this little discussion with the serpent – if your wife is talking with a snake don’t you think you should at least say something? He stood there silently as the serpent deceived Eve – he knew the truth of what God had told them, why didn’t he jump in at this point? He did not chime in when Eve took the fruit and was bringing it to her mouth – couldn’t he have said something like, “hey honey, shouldn’t we talk about this first?” And then he brainlessly took the fruit and bit into it himself.
Adam’s silence was lethal. It brought the severing of relationship. And ultimately it brought death. (pg. 98)
I’m being convicted about how often I remain silent, and I’m not sure what to do about it. How many times have I known that a friend was going to make a mistake and not called out warning lights? How many times do I retreat from a difficult challenge just because I’m uncertain of what the outcome will be? My finances have been a constant struggle since the failure of my first business, and when I feel overwhelmed and enslaved by them I ignore it and pray that my problems go away. And how many times have I not asked out a beautiful girl who I was attracted to under the guise of “not knowing if it was God’s Will or not?”
Like I already mentioned, I still have much of the book left to read, and while I’m still toiling with what this means for me I do know one thing for sure – if I really truly trusted God, I would not be silent, I would not be passive, I would not be still, I would not intentionally forget, I would not ignore. And if this is a challenge that essentially every man faces, how do I overcome? I have no clue how, but I will.
Men who spend their lives finding God are quietly transformed from mere men into elders: godly men who know what it means to trust a person when there is no plan to follow: spiritual fathers who enter dark caves that their children run from; Christlike mentors who speak into that darkness with strength instead of control, with gentleness instead of destructive force, and with wisdom that cuts through the confusion to the beauty beyond. (pg. 102)
